Eat the Tapenade?

Should I eat the tepanade?!?!


  • Total voters
    5

John Frum

Secret Society Member
Real talk. I’ve not been doing great. I very much look forward to having my partner home and safe, I worry all the time, and I try to take life’s mysteries in chunks no larger than the tasks required to take care of the pets, go to work occasionally per my job’s demands, and keep the house from looking like I feel.

So, in that spirit, should I eat this tapenade? I bought it at TJ’s two weeks ago, and in unloading the groceries dropped it between the freezer and cabinet. Part of me worries it might be toxic. Another part of me sees the salt content (the only preservative) and wonders if it hasn’t just had the time to lacto-ferment to heights of Roman decadence.

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Fran604g

Just Call Me Junior
I should've stated "because it's an unknown."

How's your woman doing? I hope she's on the mend, and you find a way to reign in the thoughts I can imagine rule your down time.
 

UncleBingo

Senior Member
Imagine me hitting the “Fuck no!” button that isn’t there.
Never had stomach cramps as bad as food-poisoning. ER doc jabbed me in the stomach with a syringe likely used for hippopotami after 4 people held my body flat. It was a muscle relaxant. Basically my abs had a “Charley-horse” Hallucinating black nightmares for 5-6 hours watching an iv drip, drip, drip; staring at the ceiling in a hospital hallway shivering under a blanket that seemed to be the size of a handbill.
So, unless you have some anti-microbial bread or an irresistible desire to eat a Lysol soaked sponge to ward off the evil Roman battalion waiting to churn your bile, “Fuck no!” should about cover it. Hang in there ( and here).
 

John Frum

Secret Society Member
Verdict: delicious. A friend informed me that I’ve basically made the Turkish dish zeytin ezmesi.

This is as exciting as the time I accidentally discovered how to carbonate fruit. Imagine my frustration to find the Japanese had beat me to it.
 

UncleBingo

Senior Member
Verdict: delicious. A friend informed me that I’ve basically made the Turkish dish zeytin ezmesi.

This is as exciting as the time I accidentally discovered how to carbonate fruit. Imagine my frustration to find the Japanese had beat me to it.
You ate this for breakfast?!?!? Hahaha! Dang...
 

John Frum

Secret Society Member
Hahaha! I won’t even smell milk to see if it’s bad. Surely now you’re just messing with us. Homemade yogurt from a thrift store yogurt maker? 😳
That’s all for now. I have to harvest the honey from my killer-bee hives and feed the piranhas in the wading pool.
Yogurt from a thrift store yogurt maker? Oh, been there, done that!

I just need another one because I don’t want to die if my partner finds out I was basically decomposing garlic in her yogurt maker.
 

Fran604g

Just Call Me Junior
We love Tianjin Preserved Vegetables as a condiment (and their polar opposite, sauerkraut), it's my understanding it gets it's greatness from being thrown into a dark earthen hole till it rots. Anything buried in dirt must be good, right?
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John Frum

Secret Society Member
One of my absolute favorite prepared foods right now are the lacto-fermented Half Sour pickles from Aldi. They’re even better if you can get home, throw them in the fridge, and forget about them for about two weeks.

I’ve kicked around the idea of making garum. Maybe since I’m playing bachelor, now’s the time. How long could it possibly take to get the smell of dissolving fish out of the house? Like, an afternoon?
:roflmao:
 

Kpatch

Junior Member
Oh, hell no. You didn’t really eat some of it. My god, man, get ahold of yourself. Don’t finish it. First of all it’s a French word but it looks like it should be Spanish. Not a good sign right there. Second, it’s olives AND capers AND anchovies. You should never eat any of those things for any reason much less in combination.

Uncle Bingo is right. Food poisoning is no fun at all. I got it in CA after eating bad calamari. I spent the night hugging the commode with my then girlfriend standing over me with her arms crossed saying things like “If you change colors one more time I’m phoning for an ambulance. Now you’re sort of puce-ish”. She actually said ‘puce-ish’. And Uncle Bingo is right again, you will hallucinate and not in a good, transcendental way. And strange things will come out of every orifice including your ears. However, if you do decide to eat the rest of it, please video the food poisoning experience so that we can watch you change colors.

Good luck.
 
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John Frum

Secret Society Member
Oh, hell no. You didn’t really eat some of it. My god, man, get ahold of yourself. Don’t finish it. First of all it’s a French word but it looks like it should be Spanish. Not a good sign right there. Second, it’s olives AND capers AND anchovies. You should never eat any of those things for any reason much less in combination.

Uncle Bingo is right. Food poisoning is no fun at all. I got it in CA after eating bad calamari. I spent the night hugging the commode with my then girlfriend standing over me with her arms crossed saying things like “If you change colors one more time I’m phoning for an ambulance. Now you’re sort of puce-ish”. She actually said ‘puce-ish’. And Uncle Bingo is right again, you will hallucinate and not in a good, transcendental way. And strange things will come out of every orifice including your esrs. However, if you do decide to eat the rest of it, please video the food poisoning experience so that we can watch you change colors.

Good luck.
I didn’t really eat some of it. I ate all of it.

No regrets.
 

UncleBingo

Senior Member
I didn’t really eat some of it. I ate all of it.

No regrets.
You must have a cast-iron stomach. My grandfather had one. My hound dog has one, also.
“Pops” had a porcelain coffee cup full of bacon fat that had been on top of the stove as long as I can remember. That “Range” (as my grandparents called it) is one of 3 kitchen appliances I ever saw that had style, and that cup full of grease bore a similar design ethos; for a long time I thought it was part of the range-top.

Pretty sure that bulbous stove was made by an automobile or aircraft company during the war before or just after what the old folks called “The Great War”. It said “Grumman” or “Pachyderm” in chrome cursive letters set at a jaunty angle on the oven door.

Sorry, I ramble. A spoonful of that bacon grease went into pretty much everything that crossed that stove as far as I could tell. Once I got tall I took a spoon and scooped up some of the magic flavor goo in the coffee cup. First time I ever spoke Welsh... Bleaagh-ptuey! The world took on the sickening pallor of lentil stew. It seems
I inherited the recessive stamped-tin stomach my father had. Tough as nails, but show him a plate of runny eggs and the clutch on the axis of the world would start slipping.
 
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